Don't Have a Cow

This story was my attempt at a dark humor children's picture book with existential themes. You know, for fun...

One sunny afternoon, Mrs. Cow was in her cozy cottage kitchen, busily mopping the floor with one hand, and savoring a perfect hamburger with the other. As she took her first big bite, disaster struck. The meat and toppings tumbled out, landing on the floor with a “PLOP!", splattering ketchup and mustard all over her best Sunday dress.

"Oh no! My hamburger!" she cried.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. It was Mr. Pig, a dear friend from the meadow.

"Mr. Pig’s a wise fellow," thought Mrs. Cow. "He'll surely have a solution to my hamburger mishap.”

With a worried look, she greeted Mr. Pig, "Mr. Pig, I dropped my hamburger. What should I do?"

Mr. Pig chuckled and replied, "Aha! It seems you've encountered my old friend, chaos!"

Mrs. Cow furrowed her brows in confusion. "No, I haven't met anyone today. I just dropped it by accident."

Mr. Pig grinned and explained, "Oh, Mrs. Cow, chaos isn't a person. It's a word for randomness and disorder. You see, reality tends towards chaos. Eventually, we'll reach absolute chaos, and that'll be the end of the universe."

"That sounds quite scary!" Mrs. Cow remarked, her eyes wide with concern.

Mr. Pig tried to reassure her, "Oh, don't fret, my dear. The end of the universe is trillions of years away. Long before that, the sun will explode, obliterating our planet."

Mrs. Cow shivered. "That sounds even scarier!"

Mr. Pig continued, "No need to be frightened. That's billions of years into the future. We have more immediate worries like nuclear war and climate change. Those are likely to end all life on our planet before the sun explodes."

Mrs. Cow's eyes filled with terror. "That sounds the scariest!"

Mr. Pig patted her shoulder. "But don't lose sleep over it. That's hundreds of years away. You and I will probably meet our end by accidents, diseases, or old age within the next few decades. We'll be long dead before then."

“That-“ Mrs. Cow paused for a moment. "Well, I suppose that’s somewhat comforting, isn’t it? Not really our problem, is it?"

Mr. Pig nodded knowingly.  “Of course not. Let someone else figure it out.”

Mrs. Cow's face brightened, but she soon remembered her sad, dropped hamburger. "But what about my hamburger?"

Mr. Pig smiled. "Why don't you simply gather the scattered parts, stuff them back into the bun, and enjoy it as it is?"

Mrs. Cow was taken aback by the idea. "Who would do such a thing?"

Mr. Pig grinned once more. "Most folks do. They begin with the best intentions, like creating the perfect hamburger. Then chaos intervenes, ruining their plans. So, they try to salvage whatever joy they can from it while it lasts. It's about all one can do."

Feeling hopeful, Mrs. Cow began to collect the remnants of her hamburger from the kitchen floor.

"Oh," Mr. Pig added casually, "by the way, where's Mr. Cow?"